Today is the day after Thanksgiving and I am at home with my two dogs. Not my children or husband. They have been at my mother in laws since Wednesday evening. This is the second time this has happened. Last year we did the same thing but it was because I was working against a deadline and we couldn't do our normal Thanksgiving. Normally we have about 20 people at our house and I cook for two days making all the favorite dishes for both sides of our family. This year Thanksgiving weekend lands about six weeks after I found out that my husband was having an affair. Tomorrow will be our 12 year wedding anniversary and I can't see us having a 13th. I don't have a problem with having a weekend by myself, when things are stable and my life doesn't seem to be built on quicksand. But this is a whole different monster; he says that he took the kids to his mother's so they can have a stress free holiday. He was also sure to tell me that "family is important during the holidays". Nice thought. My thought is that if he was that concerned with his children's well-being and if family was so important to him perhaps he shouldn't have had an affair. Now he can have the holiday at his mother's, where she can comfort him and help soften whatever guilt he is able to feel. I don't want him to have a break. I don't get a break. This is all I think about. I have turned in to a one dimensional person. One topic of conversation, this.
I thought I would start this blog as an outlet for everything that I want to say, that I need to say. There is a limit that I can tell other people. They have their own lives to lead. There is a limit that I can tell others about him and what is going on because they will start to hate him and if we decided to stay together it will be uncomfortable for everyone. If I decided to stay with my husband there is a limit that I can tell him, you know, angry weeping rages aren't attractive at all. (AND that I have to think about remaining attractive in order to stay married when this misery was caused by his choice to screw his whore makes me so mad!!) Everything that was listed online, when I would look up infidelity or cheating husbands, was so clinical and detached or weekend retreats that will cost more than he will spend or how to proceed after an affair, etc. I couldn't find anything that validated what I was going through. No bad words. No inappropriate thoughts or revenge plans. (Note: I wasn't going to plan anything that would violate any laws. Not in a few states at least.) So I decided I would create such a space.
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